Perspective...

I made a very hard decision last week: I turned in my 30-day-notice to my biggest client.

Ever since E's been born, I've slowly built up my freelance PR consulting business with more and more and more work. Magazine writing here, copy writing there, editing here, project work there....and then about two years ago, a project fell in my lap that turned into an ongoing, they-pay-real-money-every-month-BIG-BIG-CLIENT.

Balancing it all was a challenge, but I was doing it, somehow, although I am sure I was not doing a super job at anything - mommy-hood or consulting. I am positive that the clients figured out that the magical reason I was only available for phone calls at 1 p.m. CST is because that is when my sweet daughter was napping. But a good gig turned into a bit of a nightmare for me (and my sweet family) as the client demanded more and more and more. Bigger and bigger demands from the powers that be meant that I was getting more and more stressed. I found myself running home from morning errands or outings with friends to hurry my sweet daughter into bed so I could get on now-daily conference calls with this client to go over the same problems, issues, concerns and challenges over and over and over. Despite my best efforts and the efforts of some excellent team members I was working with, projects stalled, mistakes were made, higher-ups were disappointed and more. Although the higher-ups told me they were thrilled with the work I was doing and were very happy with me, I was not happy with me....not at all.

I was not being true to myself and not being as dedicated to my family, friends and loved ones as I always promised myself I would be. Was I letting the almighty dollar and the "prestige" of this client take precedent over the things in life that truly are the most important to me?

The light came on after having coffee with a PR consulting colleague a few weeks ago. I was telling her of my challenges with this client and how some of the higher ups were very challenging and were making it hard to move forward on projects and get things accomplished. She advised me to raise my rates "to compensate for all they are putting you through," she said. But after some contemplation, I realized the only decision I could make was one in quite the opposite direction: I had to quit. It was time to re-arrange my priorities and regain some focus.

Last week, in what probably seemed like an out-of-the-blue snap decision to those hearing the news, I turned in my 30-day notice to this company's CEO and marketing director. I was terrified of those phone calls, I can tell you. And for days after, I was not as relieved as I expected to be....I felt like a failure....like I couldn't "hack it" as a freelancer with big clients AND a family.

But slowly, as my 'resignation' has been sinking in, I'm finding that I'm taking joy in little things again. I'm not snappy with my family. I don't hurry my daughter to bed for a nap, just so I can rush to another endless conference call. I feel a sense of peace. I'm finding happiness in the little things again. I feel as if I am getting my joy back.

Make no mistake - I am still a freelance PR consultant....I DO love what I do....but I did not love who I was doing it for and what the relationship with that client was turning me into. I still have other, smaller projects that I am working on.....projects and relationships with colleagues that give me great joy. Writing and journalism will always be part of who I am....I can never give it up totally. But, I do have choices. I realized that I truly am my own boss. It was time to make a decision for me, for my business and for my family - the right decision.

It's funny how a conversation about potentially getting more money for what I was doing led me to walk away from it all together. And in this case, walking away was the best decision of all.